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| Saturday, March 29th, 2003 | | 10:42 pm |
This journal is no longer the active MBP Lance Bass. Please visit ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.2) j_lance_b for the current Lance. |
| Wednesday, March 19th, 2003 | | 12:00 am |
[To the "Lil' Kim" who wanted recced: Your email bounced when I replied to you. Fix your inbox and write me back.] |
| Sunday, March 2nd, 2003 | | 1:22 am |
Back in Orlando for the weekend. Spent some time in LA with Wendy, doing a little networking. Might have something to talk about there, soon. Joe's out filming the show. Been spending a lot of time with him out there. Nice to hang with him in a warmer locale! But, this weekend, Orlando. With Beth. |
| Sunday, February 23rd, 2003 | | 12:30 am |
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| Tuesday, February 4th, 2003 | | 9:08 pm |
Been quite a few days. Flew back from California toward the end of last week, and Mom and Dad came down for a visit. They'd just made it home on Saturday when I heard the news about Columbia. Even if I'd never spent a day training, I'd have been shocked and saddened by the loss of it and its crew. True adventurers, who followed their dreams. They are heroes, and will be missed. They and their families are in my prayers. JC called, to see how I was taking the news. I could hear the "what if" in his voice, and I tried to comfort him. So many people have said how glad they are that my feet are on the ground and all that, and I can understand how, for the people who care about me, my would-be journeys can immediately come to mind. But my tiny involvement in the grand scheme of it is irrelevant. *I* shouldn't be among anyone's concerns. Though I do appreciate the sentiments. The future of the whole project is completely unknown, as it should be. I just look forward to seeing NASA find the cause, and work to fix the problem, and for the safety of all astronauts and cosmonauts. Once all of that is back on track again, then there's time to look at the commercial thing again. I know I, for one, can wait. Beth's been here with me pretty much non-stop. It's been wonderful having her here, because I know she understands all of it, and she's such a great friend. And more. We're taking things very very slow, really essentially like our friendship has always been, except somewhat more physically affectionate. But she still goes to her own home, or a guest room, at night. I hear Justin's birthday party was a a blast, though, I'm sorry, that twinkie cake sounds gross. I think JC made it to it, but Joe was back here with Bri, and ... I don't know where Chris has been. I need to give him a call. I miss him. A lot. Miss a lot of things. But JC seems to be doing okay. And I'm doing okay. I guess, well, I guess it's all okay. Current Mood:  okay |
| Saturday, February 1st, 2003 | | 11:26 am |
Godspeed, Columbia
Rick D. Husband ~ William C. McCool ~ Michael P. Anderson
David M. Brown ~ Kalpana Chawla ~ Laurel Clark ~ Ilan Ramon
Current Mood: stunned |
| Friday, January 31st, 2003 | | 5:32 pm |
Love you, Jup. Hope you have an amazing birthday. |
| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003 | | 4:10 pm |
Joe, JC and Chris have written really nice, touching things for you for your birthday. What they said, times a million, plus five for luck. I love you, man. I love you and I love that we're friends - best friends - and I'm honored to have the spot in your life that I do. May all the rest of your wishes come true. Have a fantastic birthday. |
| Sunday, January 26th, 2003 | | 2:40 pm |
Long time coming and all that, yes. JC and I need to talk. I don't think I've been intentionally running away. He's spending a hell of a lot of time in the studio, and doing press for BMU, and well, I just kind of went on about life. He hasn't exactly reached out, either, though. Hasn't called for any, like, dating or anything. Which I guess I'm as guilty of as the next guy. It takes two and all. So. Talking. Out to lunch before the game. I need to tell him about... that... well, that Beth and I kissed in more than a New Years-y sort of way. No clue how he's going to react to that. Here goes. ::knocks on JC's door:: |
| Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003 | | 11:58 am |
What the hell am I doing?
Don't lead her on, Bass. It's not right. It's not fair to her. Just because you're lonely. She doesn't deserve that.
But hell, it's not like it's going anywhere with JC.
Beth wouldn't leave you, Bass. She hasn't been on the payroll in almost a year, and she's still by your side. She's always loved you.
She wouldn't leave you.
. . .
Just don't fuck her up, Bass. She doesn't deserve it. | | 7:20 am |
"Let's go to a movie," I say to Chris. "Okay," he says to me. Then I pulled out the plane tickets. I don't think he was expecting that. But hell, he gets to golf, Beth and I get to check out some flicks, and I got to drive the cart really fast. That, of course, is the best part of golfing. Because I have a swing worse than Chris's, and damn isn't that saying something? I declared a moratorium in JC-conversation while we were gone. I'll see him in San Deigo this weekend, and I'm sure we'll get a chance to talk then. I'll make sure we do. Meanwhile, we've got a plane to catch in a few hours. I'm going to spend some time out by the pool with Beth. |
| Friday, January 17th, 2003 | | 1:44 pm |
Busy few weeks. Went to Vegas with the guys last weekend. Won some money. Drank some drinks. Hung out with Joey and Justin, mostly, and that was a lot of fun. I find I kind of get into this mode where I think I'm okay going it (essentially) alone, then we all get together again, and I have such a good time. I need to spend less time by myself. Went to LA after that. Y'all saw the awards shows, I'm sure. Big congrats to Joey for the Greek Wedding win at the PCAs. And I'd like to extend a big congratulations to the Dixie Chicks. I love their stuff. I was supposed to go to the AMAs, but then Chris didn't show, and management thought it'd be weird with four (again) so I decided to go out for a nice dinner then hook up with the guys at the Teen People afterparty thing. It was more of a party and less of an event, so more relaxed and all. (Didn't JC look awesome for the AMAs? I mean, really, really awesome?) Stayed out there a few more days and did the Star Search thing, and yes, I readily admit to Mississippi nepotism, but I figure, hell, we're essentially contributing to these performer's futures on the basis of a first impression, so my Mississippi affinity is as valid as the color of their dress, right? Whatever. Cute boy on piano sang Norah Jones and winked at me. I wanted to pat his little head. And, randomly, how much do I love Naomi Judd? Yes. Just that much. I hear that word got out that I've been looking for an apartment in New York. Yes, that's true. But it's not some big drama-inducing thing. It's a smart real estate investment, and considering how much time I ... we ... spend in New York, I'm silly for not pursuing it before now. We. I need to talk with JC. I've gone to a few more counseling sessions, and .... hell, I don't care about the counselor. I miss him. I do. But I'm having a hard time forgiving. Maybe I need to see my minister instead of my counselor. Spending some time with Beth this weekend. Trying to get some projects geared up for the spring. Be good to see her again. Before I go - I wanted to express my condolences to Brian and Kevin. We may not be the best of friends, but I'm still sorry to hear about your grandfather. My prayers are with you and your families. |
| Tuesday, January 7th, 2003 | | 9:16 pm |
Well don't I have several happy people on my friends list today? Em? Brit? Chrissy? Congratuations on your nominations. Can't wait to see you at the ceremony if not before. Jup? ::big grin:: So fucking happy for you I could split in two so I could be happy for you twice. You've got a hell of a tough category, man. You've got all my best wishes. And how pleased am I with the "Girlfriend" nom? Pretty darned pleased, I'll tell you! I don't really think we'll get it - just because I hate disappointment, so better to be prepared for it, right? But still. It's still really nice to see the group's name up there, too. Way to go, guys. Speaking of the guys, haven't really seen much of anyone but JC since New Years. I've been staying at the house, of course, but it's been up and out at dawn, working out, working on projects with Beth and Wendy and some others. Spent some time with my counselor, and she agrees with the whole Giving JC Space thing. Gotta tell you - it hurts though. Hurts like hell to close that guest room door at night. But I do it. Want to get together with Joe this week before we head out to LA for the awards and stuff. And I hear through the grapevine that Chris is off in an RV with Ron, playing music, smoking pot and making Bobbie's life hell. I knew I loved that guy for a good reason. ::calls Chris:: |
| Wednesday, January 1st, 2003 | | 12:12 am |
::stands in residual confetti as everyone around sings Auld Lang Syne:: ::sings along, hugging bystanders:: ::sees Beth through the paper-y dust:: Hey you. Happy New Year! ::gives her a New Years kiss - for luck:: Current Mood: celebratory |
| Sunday, December 29th, 2002 | | 1:58 pm |
God I had a good time last night. Beth and I sat on the patio at Joey's place for hours. I know, it was probably antisocial and rude, but, well, ... whatever. I needed it. We just sat and talked and laughed and told stories and reminisced and didn't really drink much more at all. It felt like a night on tour again, almost, where everything was happening around us, but it didn't matter, because I had this fun friend that I could just sit and laugh with. We flirted, of course, because that's what we do, and told all the old inside jokes. Oh, so good. One of the things about this hiatus. I miss my Beth. A lot. I drove her back to her place - she'd taken a cab since she figured she'd be drinking, always thinking that one - and we sat in my car outside her place for probably another hour, then stood outside her front door for another half-hour or so. Girl's got a smile to light the night, you know? We hugged at her door for a good long time, and I think we finally felt re-connected. It was damned good. |
| Friday, December 27th, 2002 | | 10:35 pm |
I called and left a message on JC's cell today, but I haven't heard back from him yet. Made it back to Orlando, and I'm here at home. It's obvious he's here, too, but I haven't seen him yet. ::sits down in tv room with the DVD remote.:: Hrm. What to watch? |
| 1:01 am |
Had a pretty nice Christmas with the family. Baby's first, and all, so there were about a million lenses trained on that kid at all times. Sad thing is - she's not even a month old, yet, so it's all going to be pictures of her sleeping. I'll admit, she's a pretty damned cute sleeper, though. Reminds me a lot of Briahna last year, but this time the gleam in the eyes belonged to my parents instead of Joey's. Stacy's a really terrific mom, too. Mom fussed all over her and the baby. It was kind of fun to watch. Mom tried fussing over me, too, but I wouldn't really let her. She was really disappointed that JC wasn't here with us, and she let me know it all these little not-so-subtle ways, like setting two extra places at the dinner table (we always set one extra anyway), and having wrapped packages under the tree for him, and a stocking on the mantle. Lots of "Oh, this package is for Josh. Well, Lance, you'll just have to take it HOME to him in Orlando, if he doesn't make it here this week." Yes, mom. Thank you. I got the point. I actually half-expected him to show up. But, well. After Thanksgiving, I kind of knew it wouldn't happen. Took about every ounce of willpower I had to not go see him, but I also didn't want to miss our first christmas with Leighton, either. Heading back to Orlando tomorrow morning. Joe's throwing a bash on Saturday, and that promises to either be a lot of fun, or a big ball of awkward. Need to call JC and tell him I'll be back in town tomorrow. I wonder if he's back there yet. God I miss him. Wonder how the counseling is going. So. Orlando tomorrow. And JC. |
| Thursday, December 19th, 2002 | | 9:30 am |
I'm flying home to Mississippi for Christmas tonight. I'm going to be doing some charity stuff over the weekend, then just kicking back with the family, getting to know my new niece a little bit more, watching football. It's going to be a good time. Talked to Joe last night. He wants to have a party next Saturday, between Christmas and New Years - the group, together, if we can swing it. So Chris, Jup, JC? If you're reading this, give Joey a call for the details, okay? I haven't talked to Chris in a little while. I think I needed some distance from him - though not because of anything he's done. I needed to get my own head on straight. Everything in the last few weeks has just been so... much. I think about him, and I still feel so much love for him, but it's different. Not less, different. That's probably good. No. It is. It is good. He seemed to have a good time with Bobbie in the Bahamas, and, well, no matter my opinion on her, if he's with her and he's happy, more power to him. He deserves to be happy. We all do. Probably won't be around on the day-of, so I'll say "Happy Anniversary" to Jup and Wade now. I know you guys have about a half-dozen different anniversaries, but this is the one I remember since it's the one we got to participate in. Congrats on your first year. The traditional gift is paper, so I'm stealing that fans idea, and had a star named for you, so no matter where your travels take each of you, you can look to the sky to find each other. The paper certificate will be delivered to your place in LA, Jup. Who knew I was such a sap? So, that's tricks. Be in Mississippi until the 26th or so, I think, then back to Orlando for Joe's shindig. Should be a blast. JC? Call if you want. |
| Wednesday, December 18th, 2002 | | 6:33 pm |
Happy birthday to Katie and to the sweet sparkly Chrissy. Hope you both had wonderful days. |
| Tuesday, December 17th, 2002 | | 5:10 pm |
Well, he's trying. I've got to give him that. Woke up to the doorbell ringing the other day. JC had arranged a house call for someone to come look at my hand. Doctor thought I'd torn some tendons, so I did go back to his office for some X-rays, and, yes, I had. So. Bandage on it for a few days, then no more hitting. Doctor's orders. I'm pretty sure I can follow those. Didn't tell JC this, but I went to his performance the other night. Saw Chris and Bobbie there, but I didn't want to screw with their evening together, and whenever I'm around Bobbie, screwage inevitably happens (no, not that kind. Piss off.) So, just kind of hung out on the other side of the room, near the back. After missing his first performance, I couldn't not be there, you know? He looked and sounded so fantastic. Got that surge of pride in my chest that's so familiar from the studio and stuff... the "that's my man" feeling. Of course, it was replaced with this odd, cold chill when I remembered, "no, not anymore. Not now." I didn't like that feeling. Not at all. If I recall correctly, JC is planning on spending Christmas with his grandparents near DC. We were planning on spending it there, then up north for some skiing. Our first married Christmas. This should have been a fucking Hallmark ornament. I want him back. I want him by my side so badly it hurts me physically. But I can't - I just can't do that to myself. You don't know how it felt to walk into that house so high, only to learn it was empty. How it felt to be told "I made a mistake," and know that you were that mistake. How can I let myself go there again and have any sort of self-respect. The doctor wanted to cut my ring off my finger. Fortunately, it was a little loose to begin with, because my hand has swollen something fierce. But I wouldn't let him. He argued - said if my hand swelled anymore I could cut off the circulation and lose the digit. But... I just. I can't do it. I thought for a while I could, but I can't. I'm so damned torn over this whole thing. |
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